The Weak Side of Me

Just recovered from a terrible fever, diarrhoea, vomiting and bodyache. Its food poisoning I guess. Didn't visit the doctor cause I was too weak to even walk out of my room. I just remember taking panadol. Lost count how many I took in just these 2 days. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I just popped 2 into my mouth. And the soluble ones. Haven been eating much, just drinking porridge water and 100plus. Cause whatever I eat, I'll throw up after 10 minutes. Hence, I've actually lost 2kg in just these 2 horrifying days. Partly cause I'm a bit emotionally unstable too. Just didn't have the appetite to eat.

Talking about stupid stuff that we do. I have no idea what has gone wrong with me the other night. That I actually whatsapp-ed him and asked the most stupid question on earth.  I've already got the answer, why do I even bother asking? Maybe cause I just didn't wanna believe my eyes and I chose to make myself look silly by asking him. I woke up the next morning, thinking why did I even do that?

I always thought I was strong. Much stronger than this. But until this happened. I just want to get out of it as quickly as possible. But the harder I push myself, the feeling just gets worse.

I'll have to lock myself in the room every night, cry very softly just in case they hear me. Whenever I leave the room, I have to make sure that my eyes doesn't look red and I look perfectly fine from the inside to the outside. But I think Mum knows what am I going through now, without me telling her. She just came to me last night and asked me if I want to go Aussie with her for a good 1 to 2 months before I start my job. We can just stay over at my uncle's, go fruit-picking since its almost summer there now or just travel around. I think I really need it. Not because I want to avoid, but because this place is just horrible for me now. But I can't be so selfish either. Who's gonna take care of daddy and sis if we were to go away for such a long period.

We'll see.