在乎，不在乎?

对着你的短讯，只让我更难受。

因为你给我的感觉是，你已经不在乎了。

每当我想到这点，心就会很痛。

我从来没有这么在乎一个人。

我真的就快要被我自己折磨死了。

今晚又不知要掉多少眼泪。

烟花

和你一起共度新年，和你一起看烟花， 是我一路来的心愿。

三年在一起，我们都没一起共度过这些特别的日子。

朋友都叫我一起去倒数，可是我迟迟都不敢答应。

只因为想和你度过2012年的最后一天。

可是看来机会是很渺茫或几乎是不可能发生。

只想。。。。

才5.30am就醒了。

难得放假都不能睡。

想要睡回下去，可是转来转去还是不能睡。

心里在盼，脑里在想。

好想好想大大声的喊出来。

我只想....................好好的睡一觉。

心里话

心里好多好多话想要说出来。

搞到我真的快喘不过气来了。
 
朋友都告诉我，愿意和我一起分享。

一直劝我把它说出来。

可是我想说的对象，就只有你一个。 

直到这一分这一秒。

一厢情愿

那天见了你之后，回来又回想起很多我们在一起的时光。

感觉渐渐又回来了。

告诉自己不可以，可是还是做不到。

虽然如此，这些日子你给我的感觉却不怎么一样了。

或许一切都是我一厢情愿的想法吧。

是时候该醒醒了。

有些事不是我想怎样就怎样的。 

漫长的夜晚

那晚看见你的tweet，心又开始痛。真的很抱歉。除了对不起，我都不知道还可以说或做什么来弥补对你的伤害。过了一阵子，又发现你把那tweet删除了。

今晚我又怎么了？心里同时觉得开心又难受。开心因为你主动whatsapp我。等了这么久，终于等到了。同时心又好像被一块大石头压着，透不过气。好多东西想要问你，想要和你分享。可是就是没那勇气。你终于都发现原来我已经回来快四个月了。终于都说可以见面了。之前还以为你不想见到我。

 好想明天快点到，可以见到朋友。

只有他们才能让我暂时忘记伤痛。

今晚就怎么觉得特别漫长?

New Hobby

I just found a new hobby!

Marathon =)

 My Running Mates =)

My First Medal!!! For the World Diabetes Day <3 p="p">

We're starting slow with 10km. Next run will be 12km! 

Hopefully there's more run to come and more medals to win!

Finally a genuine smile on my face this week =D

勇气

那天终于抛开自己的那所谓的至尊心，鼓起勇气打了电话给你。虽然感觉上有点奇怪，可是能在生日那天听到你的声音，心里还是开心很多。

原本周末想要约你出去，想把从英国买给你的东西给你。可是挣扎了三天，最后还是鼓不起勇气问你。

每次回到我的房间，躺在床上时，满脑子想的都是你。还以为时间久了，对你的关心于思念会，慢慢的减少。可是我越想要这样就越不能做到。

心。。。。还是真的好痛好痛。

祝我生日快乐

虽然今年还是没有你在我身边陪我过生日，可是至少还有他们。

我的家人，我的朋友。

还有那些虽然不能陪我一起庆祝可是礼物却还是送到的你们。

真的谢谢你们。

一路走来幸好有你们的支持与鼓励。

p/s: Thanks for all the effort and blessings from each and everyone of you. To Ivan, thanks for being back in time for my birthday this year. It really means a lot to me. And you really did a great job at surprising me =) =) =) 

The Family =D

The Friends =）

                      

愿望

自从和你在一起之后，每年的其中一个生日愿望就会是希望下一个生日可以和你一起度过。不只是生日，圣诞节，新年，情人节等等都想和你一起过。可是，每年的愿望都没有实现。

今年恐怕不能再许这个愿望了。因为我已经没有这个资格再许这个愿望了。

你已经回来都快一个星期了， 都没有收到你的短信。每次我有新的whatsapp短信时，都希望看到的是你的名字。可是每次都失望收场。

在心里的某个角落，还是希望你会至少约我见个面。

或许对你来说，我现在真的只是一个在你生命里的路人甲。比普通朋友还要普通的朋友。

我是否应该放弃，不要在去想了呢？

我真的很想说到做到，可是到底几时才能够呢？

Confused

It has been a really busy week. With work, movies and catching up with ze frens =)

But one thing that has never left my mind. Was the message you sent me the other day.

I don't know why you did that but it definitely made my day better.

At the same time, confused.

Very very confused.

Till this very second.

I wish you could tell me the reason behind.

骗别人，骗不了自己

最近总是往外跑。朋友每次约出去我就说好。都好久没跟家人吃晚餐了。一来妹妹因为要考试了，所以经常留在学校里跟朋友一起温习功课。二来大概是我不想留在家让自己有时间胡思乱想吧。
今天下午因为朋友打不到给你所以问我你是不是换了号码。我都不是很清楚因为也一段时间没和你联络了。我都已经避开尽量不联络你。可是因为朋友联络不上你又没有whatsapp，所以就只好叫我问。 原来你不是换了号码，而是在台湾。

还记得你以前经常跟我说你想去台湾，叫我陪你一起去。可是那时侯因为要上课，后来又去了英国所以没去到。就只过了一年，一切都变了。陪你一起去的也不是我了。

真的有好多问题想问你，好多话想对你说。可是我最后还是没做到。在whatsapp里，我尽量表现出不在意和友善的一面。可是事实上，心里还是痛得不得了。不想再伤害自己唯有快快把对话结束了。多么不想，最后还是流泪了。

每次见朋友时，我脸上总是带着笑容。我总是告诉他们我没事，不用为我担心。

事实上，我只骗得了他们却骗不了自己。

只怪自己太愚蠢

最近又回到Twitter上写些有的没的了。只是不想让他们再为我担心。

今天约了Chris一起去看戏吃饭。原本约了吃午餐, 结果因为戏的时间，午餐都变成了晚餐。这个‘哥哥’每次就是爱欺负我。叫我想要吃什么。我就最讨厌想这个嘛。 看了Hotel Translyvania. 我还是跟以前一样不爱看这种animation的戏。我们两个每次都有聊不完的话题。废话一大堆。这次又聊到了感情的事。他说完他的故事就到我。聊着聊着，我又差点哭了出来。吓到他一下。可是大庭广众，我还是忍着没让自己出丑。他就问我；你还想不想他。我很快就答了他； 现在就已经在想着了。因为刚好我在喝着我们曾经一起喝过的Ochado Aloe Vera Yakult Lemonade。还记得那是上个暑假的事。因为我刚从英国回来，没试过人人都说好喝的Ochado。又怕没机会喝到了，结果就一天里喝了两杯。

离开之前，又遇到了一位老朋友。一个我以前每个周末都会麻烦他载我回宿舍的朋友。两年不见，还是老样子 =） 好才久不久我们还是有联络。

回到来，又不知不觉的再想好朋友问的一个问题。如果有一天他告诉你，他还是喜欢着你，你还会不会接受他？我很笨的在想；我应该会。至少我知道我现在还没真的放得下。可是或许过了几个月或几年，我会觉得我这个想法太傻了。

可是我就是这样。总是在做愚蠢的事。

回忆过去

今天第一天在办公室上班。感觉很特别。因为从来没试过。办公室里就好像一个大家庭一样。大家有说有笑的， 真不错。

办公室就在Centrepoint South. 楼下就是我平日最爱逛的Midvalley. 午餐时，因为牙痛没胃口，就下楼逛逛。没有目的的一直走。

就想起我们在这里的第一个约会。那天的我，穿着黄色的吊带衣，而你就穿了一件粉红色的衬衫。见到了就一起去买戏票。还记得我们看的是3D版的Journey to the Center of the Earth. 然后就去吃午餐。走着去KimGary时，经过了Guess。就在这间店前，你第一次拖了我的手。我那在流着汗的手。我记得我还告诉你，因为肚子饿了所以手才会流汗。现在想起还觉得这个理由有点白痴。可是你却说你不介意。还记得有一次跟朋友在那里工作时，你还特地打包了我最爱吃的菠萝包给我当宵夜。

经过Ninja Joe，就让我想起我们曾经在那里闹得很不开心。我都忘了是因为什么事吵架。就只记得你一边吃汉堡一边逗我说话，可是我都没睬你。

每一次经过，脑海里都会散出同样的画面。有开心的也有伤心的。我几时才能把这些回忆给忘掉？我真的很想知道。在这段日子里，是我长这么大以来，被人说最多次笨和傻。 真让人难受。

事实 vs 期望

朋友告诉我的那些话真的好伤好残忍。

可是我也知道这些都是事实。

我真的试着放下。

可是原来说和做不做得到是两回事。

或许在我心里的某个角落，我还在期待着。

期待着一些我想都不应该想的东西。

现实就是那么残忍

前天第一次和朋友到KLPAC看舞台剧。就在几天前朋友才告诉我他朋友有份演出叫我一起去看。我都还没说好，他就买了票说一定要去。真搞笑。好喜欢那地方。好有艺术感的一个地方。

昨天终于抽了一些时间把英国机会来的箱子打开了。里面的东西始终都要面对。其中有一个小盒子是装着朋友在这两年里送我的生日卡，心意卡和postcard。一个一个读就觉得好感动。

除了这写卡，这盒子里还装着你这些年来送我的卡和小字条。还有那些你来英国探望我时在我房间贴的那些post-it notes. 原来我一直都收着，没把它们丢掉。看到了就告诉自己不可以打开。就怕自己又忍不住哭。快快把盒子关起放进了橱里。以为这样就没事了。到了晚上还是忍不住。又把盒子拿了出来。把所有的卡和字条都看了。越看心里就越痛。

在戏里曾经看过很多这种画面，还以为只有戏里才有。原来现实生活里也会发生。真不幸的就发生在我自己身上。

 现实就是那么残忍。

此时此刻.最想要

此时此刻的我真的很想见见你。

很想和你说说话。

就算是通电话或简讯也无所为。

就像以前一样。

时间.不等人

记得在六月时写过一个blogpost。用密码锁着的那一个。Knowing what I want。那个post其实是写给你看的。只是没有勇气让你看。那时从希腊回来之后，我就很清楚明白自己要的是什么。本以为可以等到回来才告诉你一切。可是原来时间是不等人的。原来我也不值得你等。错过了就只能永远变成遗憾。

伤口被撒了盐

看到最最最最不想看到的东西。

心被刺得痛得不得了。

就像伤口上被撒了盐一样痛。

真的真的好难受。

我到底应该怎么办才好？

回忆.好怀念

才七点多这么早。好想再睡久一点，可是躺了很久试着睡都不能入睡。

昨天因为朋友没上班，所以就约了一起去吃早午餐。一来到我家，就送了一盒我最爱吃的 Japanese Mochi Sweets 给我。说是因为月饼卖完了，所以就用了这个代替。里面什么口味都有，可以给我慢慢选，慢慢吃。比起月饼，我大概比较喜欢这个吧。幸好我也有在曼谷买了一些手信回来，不然我又会觉得很不好意思。

问了很多次，可是朋友都不肯告诉我会去那里用餐。结果原来是到了一个我满熟悉的地方。就在我的College附近,Menara HP里。一间小小可是又舒适温心的Cafe。 在那里一年半了，从来都不知道这个Cafe的存在。大概因为每次午餐时，都是去了楼下的便宜food court吃吧。回到去这个熟悉的地方又让我想起了很多。全部都是开心的回忆。想起这些回忆，就让我好怀念以前的自己。那个什么都不会想太多，就只会傻傻笑的我。大概是因为长大了，越来越多东西想，所以那单纯的笑容也渐渐消失了。虽然和你同班了一年半，可是如果我没记错，我们俩应该是在第三个学期才比较熟吧。之前，一天都不说那一句话。都不是很记得我们是怎么变熟的。好怀念那些日子。真的好怀念。 

吃完了丰富的一餐就回到了家。本以为想收拾一下刚买回来的东西，可是又接到了另一个朋友的电话说要去医院。还以为他发生了什么事。原来不是他，而是他的佣人因为盲肠炎入院了。因为刚遇到车祸没车，所以就问了我一起去探望。在那里看到那些医生帮病人做检查又不知不觉让我想起了你。想起你以前常跟我说你上课所学的。虽然不是很明白，可是都觉的很有趣。一边又在想为何当初不坚持读这一科。想了一下还觉得有点后悔。可是好不容易毕业了就不想再想这些有的没的了。

看着从英国寄回来的箱子就头痛了。今天无论如何都要把它打开了。把东西收拾好。我知道一定会看到一些我不想看到的东西。可是还是必须要面对。只希望可以忍住那泪水，不要让它流下来。

所相信的

最不想发生的事最后还是发生了。就在飞往曼谷前。

都不知道该怎么回应， 只能放个笑脸然后当着没看到。

我一直以来所相信和坚持的又动摇了。

真的不是像我想像的那样吗？

以为

刚从曼谷回来了。在那里至少可以把自己弄得很忙，尽量不去想。一个人静下来时，还是会不知不觉回想起我们在一起的日子。

以为回来会好很多。可是发现，心里的思念和伤痛一点也没有减少。还是会觉得心很痛， 可是又还是会很想你。

很犯贱吧？

一个人的旅行

再过几个小时就要飞了。从三月等到现在，终于都等到这天的来临。之前还蛮期待的，可是现在兴奋的感觉都已经消失了。还记得在英国看到Airasia有便宜机票去曼谷时，第一个想到的就是你。又做了一件傻事。Whatsapp了你，问你有没有时间陪我一起去。可是那时你告诉我要考试， 不知道什么时候才放假。所以就没得一起去了。那时的确很失望，可是也没办法。难到你就没发现这些小小的东西其实是在告诉你我对我们还有希望吗？现在回想起来，也许你那时后就想告诉我，我们两是不可能了的吧。只是我太笨，没意识到。

每次跟你去旅行都觉得很开心。就算是跟你去Malacca，坐在图书官里陪你读书都觉得开心。一起去巴黎，去了我最喜欢的Disneyland, 然后伦敦。记得为了在伦敦陪多你一天，既然还翘课了。然后重新再买了各天的火车回家。你来英国陪我度过的那两个星期是我在英国住了两年最开心的时候。我大概没跟你说过吧。可是知不知道都已经不重要了。都不会再有机会了。

昨天傍晚，开始收拾了行李。每次去旅行都会用一个小袋子装我的钱和信用卡。平时那小袋子是拿来装你送给我的一些小卡。把它拿出来时，还告诉自己千万不可以读。可是最后还是忍不住读了。看了里面的内容，泪又不知不觉流了下来。

虽然兴奋的感觉都没了，可是还是蛮期待去的。只应为想离开这个地方一阵子。哪怕就只有那几天而已，都好过没有。这个trip还来得蛮是时候的。希望回来之后，心情会好一点吧。

很傻吧？

这一年来，其实都有在注意你。在用电脑开自己的twitter之前，就会先看你的。在用电话开twitter 时，就会找你的update. 找那蓝蓝的鸡蛋。看看你有什么开心不开心的。看到不开心的tweet时，就会whatsapp你问候一下。有很多次看到时，明明就很想跟你说话， 可是又不知道应不应该。最后还是没说。在facebook, 每次登入之后， 看完了朋友在Home的updates, 又会不知不觉的去看你的profile。

最近发现你的facebook和twitter都好像不是你一个人在用了。突然觉得连我唯一可以知道你在想什么的管道都没了。

感觉真的很糟糕。

朋友

刚刚才和朋友吃饭回来。真的很感激他。都做了一天工，一定很累吧。可是还要陪我，让我觉得很过意不去。 因为知道我不开心，所以就带我吃好料。我最爱的日本餐。因为知道我不想多说话，就一直不停的讲笑话给我听， 逗我笑。明明说到喉咙都不舒服了，还告诉我没事。知道我喜欢喝咖啡吃蛋糕， 又带我去吃了超级棒的cheesecake。知道他做这么多，只希望我不要一个人躲在房间里乱乱想那些有的没的。

每次在房哭或刚刚哭完的时候，他都会刚好打来。不接又觉得不好，可是又不想让朋友听到自己在哭。最后还是用了五秒把泪水擦干净，然后就接了。也许是哭得连声音都变了，每次都会被他发现。那天跟另一个朋友通电话时，还真的哭了一个钟。想停可是又停不到。就觉得心真的很痛。

自己不开心，最怕就是麻烦到朋友。可是朋友就是不会嫌麻烦。这才让我觉得更不好意思。不管什么，就是想谢谢他们就对了。

有心？迟了又能怎样？

以前有什么都在facebook 或 twitter 那里写。慢慢发现facebook 其实太公开了。熟或不是很熟的朋友都看得到。后来就学会了用twitter, 一开始发现还不错。过了一阵子，又发现其实很多误会和不好的传言都是从那里来的。所以最后还是回来我这片属于我一个人的小天地。 最近才发现我已经好久没update我的这片小天地了。几个月没写什么有趣的东西，渐渐也没人来看了。现在对我来说是件好事吧。因为没人看，所以才可以把心里的感受写在这里。 最重要的是，你不会再看了。如果认识我的朋友不经意的读了这些，请你们当作不知道，不要告诉我就行了。至少我不会觉得这么丢脸。

昨天晚上又做了傻事。然后又哭了。我都忘记哭了多久。 今天早上在跑步机上又哭了。都不敢在机上跑快，因为脚还是有点疼。可是更怕的是不小心弄伤自己。我也不知道自己在哭什么。觉得心很痛， 泪就不经意的开始流了。越不想哭，泪就越流越快。

刚刚想开始找些Bangkok的资料， 就打开了好久没开的bookmark。 因为在英国闲着的时候，都有找找一些有关那里的blog。又再次看到不该看到的东西。里面70%都是bookmark着烘蛋糕的recipe。还记得我第一次在英国成功做的蛋糕。你那时还叫我回来要做一个给你。我一直都没忘记过。因为这次应该换我来为你做些东西了。晚上睡前就会在网上开始找recipe. 不知不觉就bookmark起这么多了。有一次在facebook看到朋友做的一个很特别的蛋糕。外面看起来就像普通的奶油蛋糕。可是把它切开了之后，里面居然有个立体的‘心’。看了就觉得很特别很美，就想做个给你。 然后又跟朋友拿了recipe。

还记得我曾经给你看过一个朋友做的得意便当吗？一个用素菜，米饭和香肠做出来的‘森林动物’便当。你大概也都不记得了吧。 好不容易才找到一个有教怎么做的blog， 一心以为回来就有机会做给你了。

可是我知道这些都已经没有用处了。

The Weak Side of Me

Just recovered from a terrible fever, diarrhoea, vomiting and bodyache. Its food poisoning I guess. Didn't visit the doctor cause I was too weak to even walk out of my room. I just remember taking panadol. Lost count how many I took in just these 2 days. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I just popped 2 into my mouth. And the soluble ones. Haven been eating much, just drinking porridge water and 100plus. Cause whatever I eat, I'll throw up after 10 minutes. Hence, I've actually lost 2kg in just these 2 horrifying days. Partly cause I'm a bit emotionally unstable too. Just didn't have the appetite to eat.

Talking about stupid stuff that we do. I have no idea what has gone wrong with me the other night. That I actually whatsapp-ed him and asked the most stupid question on earth.  I've already got the answer, why do I even bother asking? Maybe cause I just didn't wanna believe my eyes and I chose to make myself look silly by asking him. I woke up the next morning, thinking why did I even do that?

I always thought I was strong. Much stronger than this. But until this happened. I just want to get out of it as quickly as possible. But the harder I push myself, the feeling just gets worse.

I'll have to lock myself in the room every night, cry very softly just in case they hear me. Whenever I leave the room, I have to make sure that my eyes doesn't look red and I look perfectly fine from the inside to the outside. But I think Mum knows what am I going through now, without me telling her. She just came to me last night and asked me if I want to go Aussie with her for a good 1 to 2 months before I start my job. We can just stay over at my uncle's, go fruit-picking since its almost summer there now or just travel around. I think I really need it. Not because I want to avoid, but because this place is just horrible for me now. But I can't be so selfish either. Who's gonna take care of daddy and sis if we were to go away for such a long period.

We'll see.

初恋

人总是说初恋最让人无法忘记， 但对我来说， 初恋最让人心痛。从英国寄回来的箱子已经在家放了一个星期。妈妈每天都问我几时才要把东西收拾好。我好想告诉她，是我没有勇气把箱子打开。因为里面装着一些我暂时还无法面对的东西。还记得你在飞机场送给我的那个相架吗？这一年来， 朋友进我的房间都问我同一个问题。已经分手了，为什么还要把相片放在架子上？我每次都说忘记把它收好。可是自己知道真正的原因是什么。

我可以在大家面前当什么事都没有发生过，笑笑的对他们说我没事。只因为我不想让他们为我担心。可是其实每一次想起有关你的东西，心都在滴着血。

我几时才可以从这伤痛走出来？

有多爱？

"我们经历了那么多。让我们辛苦多一年好吗。就那么一年”

这句话是你曾经对我说的。 你还记得吗？ 我一直以为如果你是真的爱我的， 这一年其实算得了什么。可是事实不是这样子的。大家都告诉我同样的话。如果一个男的连一年都不能等的话，何况是几个月，他可以有多爱你，你自己也知道吧。可是，我还是不肯相信。因为你所许下的承诺， 我到今时今日都还没忘记。

我曾经看过一些朋友，分开了两年多， 到最后都还可以在一起。 我也以为我们可以做到，但是原来是不可能的。是你从一开始就不够爱我， 还是我不值得你去爱？

时间

刚刚不经意的读了你以前所写给我的东西。 我才发现原来人是可以说变就变的。 可是， 我总不能怪你。 因为是我把你伤得太深了。 在你最需要人陪的时候， 或许新的她出现了， 帮你走出了伤痛。 我会接受这个实时的， 我现在只不过是你生命中的路人甲。 我只需要时间。

勇气在那里？

我真的有好多好多问题想要问你。 可是， 总是提不起勇气问。 我到底应该怎么做？ 我真的不像再每天早上都在湿湿的枕头上醒来。 我真的快要崩溃了。

承诺

在世界的另一边时，总是认为你曾经许下的承诺都是认真的。回到来才发现，原来你已经把所有的回忆和承诺都给忘记了。或许是我一路以来都不够了解你。还是我太天真以为你会把它当真。经过了这么多，你始终都敌不过时间的考验。怎么说都是我的错，因为太容易放弃。可是至少这‘口是心非’的决定，让我看清楚了一切。直到现在，偶尔想起都会觉得心疼，大概就只有我而已吧。

A Matter of Choice

Sometimes I really do regret for being a scholar. I know I should be grateful and in fact, I am. But why do I have to make choices? If it weren't for this, I would be happier there no? I wouldn't have to come back to this place. Its only the family and some friends that make me miss this place. Other than that, it just reminds me of those memories. Those memories that I do not want to remember them. If time can turn back, I would just listen to my dad, pay that amount and stay there. Never come back. Or perhaps one day, when I'm ready to come back.

Knowing What I Want

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The Heart

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The Ball

March and April have been really relaxing. Labs ended end of March and basically we just chilled around and occasionally, reading up journals to start writing up our dissertation. Then came Easter break! Which I've spent in Italy, my dream country. I seriously miss that place so so much. I'll definitely visit that place again, especially Rome *since I've made my wish at the Trevi Fountain* 

I've missed out so many blog post cause too much of journal readings just makes me a lazy girl. Now that work has been progressing well, gonna start updating again! Just read Hanny's blog and decided to write a similar one. Instead of babbling about the night and duplicating pictures which are already all over facebook, I think her idea was better. Looking at the past and see how much we've grown throughout these years.

'Afterglow' - HELP A-Levels Ball 2008
*With ze bestie; Siew Yee*

'Old Hollywood Glamour' - Nottingham Annual Ball 2010
*With the Randalamos*

'Rio de Janeiro' - Pharmacy Ball 2012

Cheers to the Pharmacists-to-be! 

In just less than 3 months time, we'll be seeing each other in our graduation robes!!! Can't believe 4 years of my university life just flew passed like this. I could still remember the days in my first year. Where I would be thinking; when will I get to fly over to the UK and when will I ever graduate. 4 years seems like a pretty long time for me that time. Now, I feel the 4 years is seriously way too short =( Part of me wants to graduate and stop worrying over exams and coursework. At the same time, there's also this part of me who is so reluctant to accept the fact that my student life is coming to an end and got to move on to a whole new stage of life. Not sure if working life is gonna be stressful but I just assumed, hence the NO! But reality is still reality >.<

Being fickle-minded, I cant decide where to do my pre-reg yettttt! *headache* 
Something for you and I to think about tonight.
Stay or not stay?
What say you?

Smile =)

I'm crazy!

I've been smiling the entire day.

For I-dont-know what reason.

Even when I'm listening to those super emo songs.

But but but.........

I LIKE!

Cause it's been awhile since I've had that smile!

Hopefully it'll last!

=D

*p/s: This picture was taken like a year ago. So, that's still the fat me. Which I totally don't miss =p*

Ugly Truth

For the past 1 month, my emotion has been like a roller coaster ride. Up and down, again and again. The cycle never ends.

Throughout these years, I thought you're someone that I could confide in whenever I have problems. I always felt sorry for you because of what I did to you few years ago. Others kept telling me that it's not entirely my fault, but I can't get over it. Hence, I felt that I owed you. A real big one. Before this, I was really glad to have such a friend. I never thought a friend like you can do so much for me.

I admit occasionally I can be quite ridiculous. Giving you silent treatment all of a sudden. But before you start complaining, have you thought why I gave you those silent treatment? We've talked about it many times. You always say you understand. But to me, you never really did.

When you came to talk to me the other night, I confronted you. I thought you would admit to it. But instead, you lied straight to my face and covered it with another lie. I really almost fell for it another time. Until I discovered the truth behind those lies again. You must be thinking, why did I choose to believe in what others said and not you. Like I told you, if it comes from just one person, I might not believe in him/her. But if there's more than one, I can't find any reasons to convince myself that it's not the truth.

Discovering too much definitely isn't a good thing really. Those words are like imprinted on my heart. Its so hard to forget. I tried to remove it, but it's beyond what I can do. My heart just shattered into pieces whenever I think of you. Those words and things you did behind my back.

I really missed those days where we can smile and laugh together like there's no tomorrow. Every smile was from the heart. Pure genuine smiles. We can never go back to those days, cant we? I doubt so.

Sometimes I do wish I never knew the truth because it hurts so much. Not even once, I'd ever imagined that I could be hurt so badly. Till this very moment. It's because I've trusted you too much, that cause me to be hurt till this extend.

However, if it isn't because of the truth, I'll never know who are my true friends and wake up from this seems-to-be-perfect world of mine. It's time to face the reality. The reality that people are not as simple as what I used to think.

Thanks to the truth,

That it has make me a stronger person now.

The Truth

Revealed.

A truth that was too cruel for me to accept.

But I know I must this time.

Cause I wouldn't want to let myself fall into that cycle ever again.

I was blinded before this.

But now,



This serves as a wake up call for me.

Or perhaps all of us.

Time to wake up from the fantasy world.

Fab Fab Februlicious

Blog has been under hiatus for weeks. Why no updates??? Again! Its the lazy me. Procrastination as usual. Lab work started 3 weeks ago and surprisingly, am not as busy as I expected yet. Instead I was too busy booking flight tickets and planning my easter and summer holidays =.=''' Almost 1000gbp gone in just 2 days. So I'm practically broke now!

Anyway, gonna wrap up february in this post. So read up!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Fab fab february started off with heavy snowwwww which only lasted for a night. Waited since November for it to come and finallyyyyy!!! Weather here has been really weird this year. Last year snow came around November and it lasted for about 2 weeks. Winter was pretty long then. During this time last year, I was still battling with the cold but look how sunny it is now! Double digit temperature can u imagine? Guess spring is about to step in =)


Snow was so heavy that it actually become so thick,
just enough for snow fight!


After the long wait, I managed to make my very first snow
angelllll. Nice nice??? Hehe =p


We tried out something new this winter too!
Sledding down the Portland hill. It was so much fun and
honestly, I didn't have enough of it. If only the snow lasted
longer, I would definitely go for another round.


Too lazy to make a big snowman but petite ones
are equally cute isn't it?


Wondering who made this?! Simply amazed by it.
Definitely not an easy task!


The ultimate fun and spontaneous group!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

No more lectures this semester and each and everyone has their own lab work to do in different places. Hence, we don't get to meet much often like we used to anymore. So, having random dinners could be the best way for us to catch up.

Started off with hotpot buffet in China Fu. Love their fish head soup.
Prolly cause I haven been having it for such a long time and I
seriously missed it so much. FISH!!!! ><


Their sweet potato and pumpkin dessert was the winner
of the night! After the first bite, we went crazy and started
ordering more and more. 6 of us had 48 of these. Scary??? But true.
So imagine how good it was. The owner must have regretted for
placing this dessert as part of the buffet. Or only for our case? =p

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

14/2/2012. Valentine's. A day that all couples anticipated for. But for us, the singles, it's just like any other day. Every year has been the same. Just a few of us having a decent dinner together. Nothing special.

After a long tiring day in lab, good food always makes me
a happy girl again! Thali from Tamatanga. Always my love <3


The night ended with some chit chat session at Sinatra
over cocktails ^^


This valentine has been a bit extraordinary. Cause our beloved
thorn bought roses for the roses!!! Who said valentine is only
for couples???

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It's another SPICE night! Last year, I was down the stage, watching the performance while gobbling on the free food. This year??? I was on the stage, performing! Shocking shocking??? I was shock myself too when I agreed to be part of the dancing team this year. Haha. Always wanted to dance but never got the chance. I gave up the opportunity last year due to my laziness. Too lazy to walk all the way to Portland for practices. Plus the cold weather outside just makes me feel like staying indoor. But this time, I decided to fight against the laziness and do something different. And yup! I did not regret at all and I'm glad I made the first step. I really really do enjoy the practices and the time spent with the crew.

After all, what's life all about when you don't do something unusual?! Agree???

SNSD wannabe =)


Mr Taxi. Wanted to upload the video but the file was simply
too big and I have no idea how to compress it or whatsoever.
But it's everywhere on FB anyway, so sneak a peek there!


The drummer, the guitarist and the lead singer. Guess what?
They are all my lecturers O.o Surprising isn't it?! We were
totally impressed by their talents!

Cheers!!! The after party celebration at Mooch ^.^

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Last but not least, a lil updates regarding my lab work! The research I chose was regarding the antihypertensive effects of garlic oil. The project is still kinda boring. Probably cause it's still on the trial stage and we have not really started testing on the individual compounds of garlic oil yet. The project is also making me a lackadaisical girl once again. I've been slacking a lot lately. Seriously ALOT! =s


Dissecting the porcine pulmonary artery. My favourite thing
to do every morning and apparently it's the most interesting
part of the experiment =.=

One thing that I hated about this experiment is the smell. The garlic OMG!!! I used to love the smell especially when you use it for cooking. But imagine smelling it everyday? After 2 weeks, I sorta got sick of it and feel like puking everytime I enter the lab. The smell is everywhere!!! In the lab, at home and on myself >< 6 more weeks to go =x

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Before I forget, one super duper important thing to that I have to inform all of my beloved readers! All the hardwork paid off and........

I'M GRADUATING THIS JULY!!!

=D

Doom Day!

Exam results will be out in another 15 hours.

I've never been so nervous before.

My aims are getting lower and lower.

Just give me a pass now and I'll be more than grateful.

That's the most I can ask for.

*fingers crossed*

Bid Goodbye to 2011

Oopsyyy! I just realized that I actually forgotten one important thing in my last post. To wish everyone a very Happy New Year! Its just the beginning of Feb so not considered too late right? Hehe =p

For those who read my previous post would know where I spent my New Year this year. Yup yup yup, in London it is! Twas such an awesome and memorable one. Last year I missed the London eye fireworks cause I was in Birmingham celebrating with my bunch of college friends. When I came home after that, I watched it from youtube and gosh, it just reminds me of how pathetic was the one I saw in Birmingham >.<

31st December 2011


Took the super early train down to
London Kings Cross. Walked over to
St.Pancras once we arrived to take
a picture with this! Apparently, it the world's
largest Lego Christmas tree. It took two months
to build and contains 600,000 bricks.

Checked in to our hostel and all 6 hungry ghost
headed straight for some Jap food in Chinatown.
Sushi crave not satisfied yet but Japanese curry
crave is!


Then off to Selfridges. Always wanted to try
the Pierre Herme macarons there. We finally
did! The macarons were so gooddddd and I love
them. Even better than the ones from Pierre
Ledent which I got from Brussels. Those were
already super good, so imagine this?! Maybe
I'm exaggerating abit too much LOL But trust me,
it's seriously worth the money =)


After some shopping along Oxford street, we are here again!
Last dinner for 2011. Nothing can be more satisfying
than having a warm bowl of Kimchi soup down the
stomach during winter ^.^


It was just a year ago that we had our boxing day dinner
here, and see how time flies! We're here again a year later
but for new year's eve =)


After much squeezing and pushing, we finally made it to
the center of the crowd in Embankment and stood there for
almost 3 hours under the rain. Look at the crowd
and you'll know how much time we spent just to get a
close-to-perfect spot for the fireworks. There's this annoying
lamp post blocking part of the view, nevertheless we had no
choice but to stay right there cause there was simply
too much people and we cant afford to lose the spot that
we got earlier.


Look how amazing were the fireworks! It
definitely did not let us down. Maybe the
pictures don't tell much, but imagine watching
it in front of your eyes? For fireworks lover like
me, it really is the best firework that I've ever
watched for the past 21 years.

1st January 2012


Started our first day of 2012 like typical tourists! Visited
the Big Ben, London Eye and Buckingham palace again LOL
Simply cause my beloved friends are always too busy
spending money in Oxford Street and never had time
for these attraction spots each time they visit London.
Haha. Since everywhere is close on New Year, so why not?


Lunch with papaya milk and pearls <3


After watching the parade along Green Park, we made our
way to the Lyceum Theatre for the musical that we have
been anticipating for since October. Lion King it is! But guess
what, I slept for almost 50% of the show. Someone please stab
me! Such a good musical and we fell asleep?! Blame the fireworks
last night. Felt as if I just burned 40 pounds in the fire *sigh*


After watching 'sleeping beauty' instead of Lion King,
Covent Garden was our next stop. For more macarons!
Haha. But this time from Laduree instead. Not bad but
still prefer Pierre Herme =p


Next, is dinner time! If you want good steaks,
this is the place you definitely should be visiting.
Gaucho <3 The complimentary cheese dough was
the bomb starter. See the cheese oozing out from
it??? Don't you just wish you have one in your mouth
now??? =p


Me and my Rump Steak! With spinach as sides =)
The other two were the sirlion and the pork loin
with sweet potatoes.


Hopefully this is not our last New Year celebration together.
But I guess it most probably will be =(


Tower Bridge at night! Just outside the restaurant.
Beautiful isn't it? I think it is ^^

For some, New Year is no more than a change of a calendar. For others, this event symbolizes the beginning of a better tomorrow. No matter what it means to all of you out there, I hope you guys had a really great time like me and Happy New Year once again =)

Survived!

So sorry for the late updates. Been really really busy every since I came back from London. After the exam, I headed straight off to Tromso for the Northern Lights. Then came home, thought of blogging but the internet went haywire. Drag and drag and draggggg till now =x

January is always the stressful month for all of us. It's a month that all of us have been waiting dreadfully for it to end. Or probably just me. Cause I'm simply can't cope with the stress. The pressure and stress from this exam almost killed me. Broke down uncountable times. Thinking that this will be my final year and I can't screw it up. I can't even let myself go for a resit if I were to graduate this summer with all my friends.

Waking up at 8am every morning, nerd in the library from 9 till 5, go home shower and grab some quick dinner, head back to the library again at 7pm and nerd till 5am then sleep till 8am and the cycle begins again. Surviving with biscuits, bread and apples every single day for all 3 meals. I seriously can't believe I did that cause I simply hate and wouldn't touch those food unless I'm starving to death. That's practically what my life was for almost the entire January.

Simple encouragement from friends can work wonders. I totally believe in it now. Be it on a post-it note, sms or whatsapp. The messages were just like boosters. I'm really grateful for having friends like them.









So glad that the nightmare is all over. My new semester will be starting tomorrow. Hopefully the project that I got will be fun and interesting! Another short post again sorry. Gonna replenish some sleep before the serious work begins again =(

Stay tuned for the next update on my trip to Tromso! Really a once-in-a-lifetime experience and I'm really glad I made the right choice =D